Pepetoe

With this week’s theme being all things university, I thought I’d slow it down and give more of a personal post today.

As you know by now, I made the decision, around 10 months ago, to take a break from university. It was a difficult decision, but now I am thriving. However, this post isn’t about whether or not your should drop out of university, as that is a decision only you can make. Instead, I want to give a little overview about my time at university, the challenges I faced, and also the good moments.

Friendships

During my time at university, I made some long-lasting friendships. Even though I am not attending university at the moment, I still head back over there to spend time with these friends. I am forever grateful to them for continuing to invite me out on club nights and meals out, even when I was an isolated mess in first year. These people really made my university experience as good as it could have been given the circumstances.

I understand that not everyone makes these connections at university, and some people really struggle with the friendship aspect of it. I was very fortunate to have been put into a flat of nine other people who I really connected with. It’s not always like that, though. If you are currently struggling with this, I highly recommend that you join societies that you are interested in, and through this, you will meet some great people.

Drinking culture and socials

If you know me, you know I love a great party. There is a huge stigma around the drinking culture at university, and I’m here to tell you that there is nowhere near the amount of pressure to drink that people say there is. Even at intense sports socials, if you don’t want to drink, for religious reasons or just because you don’t feel like it, nobody pressures you to do so. (Although, I can’t say it’s the same for men’s rugby!).

The university I went to didn’t have such a party vibe, as it was in the middle of nowhere and we would have to take buses every day to go out. As freshers, we did. In second-year, it was more of a chilled pub night. Both things I love. Being honest, I loved that the drinking culture wasn’t so prominent at my university, as although I love a drink, I think it would have meant I drop out way earlier than I did.

Saying that, the sports socials were very intense. I don’t mean this in the drinking way, but rather in the “you have to turn up to the socials otherwise you won’t be in the team”. Don’t get me wrong, socials are a great way to know your teammates, and also those from other teams. However, the pressure to turn up, despite academic commitments, for example, was draining, and so I quit hockey shortly after the first-term at university, which saddened me. I loved the sport so much, but I couldn’t put the hours in to be social, as I was struggling enough leaving my dorm room at the time anyways.

Academics

I studied (or am still studying, I am not sure yet) Languages and Linguistics. Quite a niche subject choice. If you studied languages at school to a decent level (GCSEs or A-Levels), you might recall that there isn’t so much work you can do.

It made me feel… angry… that I didn’t have a lot of work to do during my time at university. Revising for exams consisted of watching Netflix in the target language, or doing grammar exercises over and over again. When I got to university, I thought “what more can they teach me if I have already done my A-Levels in these languages?” In hindsight, I didn’t turn up to a lot of my seminars for my language studies, so I probably would have learned a lot more. Why didn’t I go? Well, on one side, I was depressed, and on the other side, I hated the dynamics of the classes: the same as GCSEs and A-Levels, a speaking, writing and reading class each week.

On the hand, I was very happy to be learning a new subject: Linguistics. I loved learning new things, and I actually went to these lectures. In first-year, the weight of my course was heavily on Spanish and German, and so I switched to 50/50 between languages and linguistics, and I loved it. The workload was higher and more challenging.

However, all in all, I wasn’t being challenged enough. This was definitely down to my subject choices, as all my other friends studying different courses always had enough to do. I wasn’t keeping myself busy enough.

Being away from home

Before I left for university, I was in the depths of my eating disorder. In fact, a month before I was due to go, I told my parents that I wouldn’t be going to university. I did end up going, as you know, because I was swept up by the Results Day celebrations and the anticipation to get out of the school environment. Looking back, I should’ve taken a year out to focus on my health.

Since I didn’t take a year out, I went to university with my mind still consumed by anorexia, and I found it really hard to adjust. I came home almost every weekend, and would breakdown each time I had to go back. When I came home for Christmas, I said to my parents that I wouldn’t be going back. But I still did. I went back every time. I pushed away my thoughts of me having a terrible time there, and I still went back. I wish I had known back then that it is ok to take time out of university to focus on yourself and learn what you truly want in life. It took me almost two years there to learn that I hated it.

In second-year, I had a boyfriend, so that made it a lot easier. Still, I was with him every weekend and even in the week too. Thus, I still wasn’t dealing with my thoughts and emotions about university. I still wanted to drop out, but having someone I could run to made it so much easier. But that’s all it was: an escape.

Now, I’m back living at home. When everyone went back to university in September, I found it really hard knowing that I’m left out. However, I had to remind myself that now I know what I want to do with my life. You don’t need a degree to succeed in life, no matter what anyone tells you. I do struggle with the social side now I’m at home, when everyone else is away. I make a valiant effort to visit my friends at university, and I often visit my sister and her friends. I’m still in the “student life”, but in the way I want to. I’m prioritising myself, and all that’s all I ever wanted.