As the year comes to an end, it’s a great time to start reflecting. In a recent post I shared the lessons I have learnt over the year, and today I want to share advice that I would give my younger self.

You are probably wondering “why?”. Self-reflection is something that we all must learn to do, especially as the world gets busier and hustle culture is growing. Looking back at your younger self is a good way to understand how you have grown over the years, and what you wish you knew when you were just becoming a teenage and entering this scary world.

I have ten points that I would like to talk about today.

1) Friendships might change and that’s ok

When we’re 12, 13, or 14 we may be in the mindset that the friends we have then are going to be our best friends for life. Looking back, that really wasn’t the case. I have two friends from school that I keep in regular contact with… and my friendship group was rather big. We fell out of contact during school, and of course when we finished at 18 and moved on with our lives. Friend-breakups are horrible and you may feel vulnerable for a while. This is why I wish that I had been told this as I started high school, so that I could prepare myself for possible “break ups”.

2) You don’t have to have a life plan at age 14

I don’t know about you, but at my high school there was so much pressure on us to have a plan: if we were going to uni (which was HIGHLY stressed). I wish someone had told me that you don’t have to have it all figured out at 14, 16 or even 18.

And these plans also change! At age 12 I was adamant that I’d study languages up until I left school (which I did), then continue doing so at uni (which I started to, then dropped out). A ‘fixed’ life path at one age isn’t fixed at another.

3) You are probably going to hit a dark place in your teen years

This is probably the most important thing I wish I had been told. In your teenage years, there will most likely be a time when you feel like the whole world is crashing down on you. To make it worse, you may also feel like you are the only one going through it. The truth is, most teens go through it, usually at the same time. So many hormones are rushing through our bodies and we are going through so much change at this time of our lives. This also leads to friend break-ups (and relationship break-ups) as we take it out on each other.

4) Take care of your mental health

Following on from the last point, it’s so important to take care of your mental health, especially in the teenage years. Don’t put the pressure on yourself, and allow yourself to feel. Also, you are allowed to take breaks from school for your mental health.

5) Academic validation isn’t everything

When I was younger, I sought academic validation. I studied hard for every exam (even those meaningless end-of-year exams in year 7) and would beat myself up if I didn’t get an A. Even at A-Levels, I was upset that I didn’t get the 3 A*s I was predicted (I got two and one A)! I thought people would only like me if I got top grades. And I did get top grades, but that still didn’t feel like enough.

The point here is that even though you feel like you need top grades to feel “worthy”, you don’t. You are enough as you are.

6) Break ups will HURT

No matter how old you are, break ups are hard. Those relationships we have at age 14 (can they even be called ‘relationships’?) hurt, and the relationships we have at age 18 or 20 hurt.

Relationships are complicated, and so are break ups. It’s rare that a break up is a clean break with a clear reason. Love is a tricky one, for sure.

7) Comparison is the thief of joy

I spent all of my teenage years comparing myself to other people, especially those online. The thing I most compared was my body. Now I know that everyone is unique: your body, your upbringing, your life path. No two people are identical.

Sure, comparison can be motivational, for example in athletics – to get a PB – or even in academics – to get a higher grade than your friend. It can be healthy competition. For the most part, however, it can cause detrimental effects on our mental health.

Just know that your life is yours and no one can take that away from you.

8) Your body is beautiful

Following on from the last point, I spent all my teen years judging my body, and, well, hating it. It got to a point where I hated it so much that I turned to an eating disorder to help ‘fix’ my insecurities. If you’ve been through anything like what I have, you know that no matter how little you weigh, there will always be something about yourself you don’t like.

What I’ve learnt now is that you have to accept yourself, and your body, for who you are now. Not who you want to be. It’s ok to have fitness goals and lose weight for positive reasons, but if you’re only doing it because you want to be ‘skinny’, you may need to rethink your mindset.

Two quotes that have helped me recently accept my weight gain and choices in recovery:

1. You only have one body – treat it with kindness and respect.
2. If the weight I have gained is the weight I have to be in order to live my life to the fullest, eat the things I want, do the things I want to do, then I’m ok with that.

9) Follow your dreams and passions

No matter what anyone else says, do what you want to do, for only you. I get it’s hard if your parents are pushing you to do particular things, like go to uni or join your family business. It’s up to you, especially as you turn 18, to speak up for yourself. Make changes in your life if you don’t feel like you’re living it for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you that there is a ‘certain’ life path to follow. Do what makes you happy.

10) Enjoy the teenage years

You’re probably fed up of hearing this, but truthfully, the teenage years are the best. Although it is a scary time, with your life changing when you turn 16 and then again at 18, it’s also fun. You have limited responsibilities, and you’re still just a kid! Even though lockdown hit when I was 16-18, I loved those years, when I first started going to pubs and parties. It was a fun time. Sure, there’s hardships, but all in all it can be a good time if you let yourself have fun and not think too hard about your future!

Looking back, I thought I knew a lot when I was 16, 17. However, the truth is that everything I have learnt is things I have learnt in recent years, since turning 18 and becoming an adult. You learn barely anything in your teen years, which is why you should enjoy them!