Thursday 4 May

Sometimes when we’re caught under the waves we begin to think that everything is crumbling down and that there is no “good” in our life.

I believe that we have all felt like that. Personally, I know what it is like to spiral when I’m having an anxiety episode/breakdown. Everything feels like it’s spinning out of control really fast.

The last few weeks (or even months) have been a whirlwind for me. Everyday I haven’t felt truly myself. Anxiety is higher than ever, but I know that there is one main underlying reason: I am lacking control. I don’t know what I’ll be doing next year now that I have temporarily withdrawn from my university course, meaning that I’m taking a year off from everything. That’s beyond scary, and it feels like I have no control over the situation.

So, like I usually do, I spiralled. Or rather, plummeted. I have felt like nothing has gone right for me recently and there’s this feeling that everything is “bad”. With this post, I am reminding you and myself that this is total bullshit.

Instead of fixating on the negatives in my life right now (and there might be quite a few), I need to focus on the good. The light in my life, those friendships, the good parts.

I know that it’s way easier to stay in that dark place, as it feels like too much effort to climb back to the surface, out from under the crashing waves above you. It’s hard, especially knowing that these feelings will wash over you again. But that’s life. We deal with shitty things all the time. It’s difficult not to dwell on them and stay trapped in those tumultuous waves. We’ve all been there, multiple times.

But there is good. Hold onto that. Truly it is the only thing that will help you emerge from the darkness.

I’ll give you an example. After all the negativity in my life recently, I have regained a friend, whom I thought I had lost forever. That’s something special. And with this having happened, it reminded me that there is still good even when it feels like everything is shit.

Here’s my reminder to you today. Now, if you’re in the UK, enjoy the bank holiday weekend and celebrate with your friends and family. I am back in my uni town for the weekend to spend time with my friends – I have really missed them. See? There is still good.

Signing off, Ellie.