Control is something which we all seek, in all aspects of life. In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, the desire for control can be overwhelming. We strive to manage our circumstances, relationships, and even our emotions, believing that if we can just hold everything together, we’ll find peace. But the truth is that there will always be elements beyond our control. Whether it’s the actions of others, unexpected life changes, or external circumstances, learning to let go of what we can’t control is essential for our well-being.

Understanding the Desire For Control

It is an innate human condition to want to control everything. In the real world, though, more things than none are out of control. As soon as we learn to accept this, life becomes a little easier, and we relieve that pressure we place on ourselves, to get everything right, and be in control of every situation.

The need for control often stems from our innate desire to feel safe and secure, going all the way back to caveman times. When faced with uncertainty, it’s natural to want to impose order and predictability. However, this drive can lead to increased anxiety and stress when we realise that some things will always remain outside our grasp. Acknowledging that the pursuit of control can be counterproductive is the first step toward finding peace amidst uncertainty.

Recognising What We Can Control

There aren’t many things we can control. We can’t control the traffic on the way to work, the weather on a day we wanted to go for a picnic, or can we control if our partners fall out of love with us or cheat on us. We cannot (and will never be able to) control other people, their judgements, their opinions, their actions.

So, what we can control is our judgements, our opinions, our actions. Even our emotions, is something we can control. We can choose how we react to a bad outcome in a difficult situation. We can choose to leave a situation that no longer serves us, be it a job, a relationship, or whatever. We always, always have a choice.

Emotions are something completely in a control, and a lot of us don’t believe that. Feelings don’t just happen. There is always a trigger to any emotion we feel. Sure, we can have those sad, mopey days, but something has to trigger that. Maybe it is as simple as our body needing a rest from all that social time we’ve been having, or all the work on our plate at the moment. There’s the trigger. It doesn’t have to be complex, and it doesn’t take endless therapy and time to figure it out.

Whenever you are feeling a new emotion, try and work out why. Did you arrive late at work today? Did someone cut you off on your way in? Did your alarm not go off? Did someone bump into you whilst getting your morning coffee? All these seemingly harmless things can add up and simply piss you off, setting you up for a bad day ahead. But, what if I told you you can change that outcome?

Learn to be ok with what happens in the world around you, outside of your control. You can control how you react to these events, but you can’t control why or when it happens.

Embracing Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means recognising that some things are beyond your control and choosing to move forward anyway. This mindset shift can be liberating. By accepting the unpredictability of life, you allow yourself to experience emotions fully, whether they are positive or negative. Embracing acceptance encourages a sense of resilience and adaptability, enabling you to navigate life’s challenges with grace.

Finding Peace in Uncertainty

Ultimately, letting go of what you can’t control is a continuous process. It requires patience and practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort. By focusing on what you can control, cultivating mindfulness, embracing acceptance, and seeking support, you’ll begin to find a sense of peace in uncertainty. Life may be unpredictable, but your ability to respond to it with resilience and grace can lead to a more fulfilling, balanced existence.