Throughout your lifetime we will all come across haters. Those that doubt our every move, from career paths to friend/relationship choices. This person might be a close friend or family member, or even people who barely know you, watching you from afar online. No matter who it is or how well we know them (and how well they know us), it still sucks the same.

External validation and approval often takes centre stage in our lives, and even more so with the rise of social media – but to what gain? Most of the time these pressures expectations that we think are being put on us from society, family or our peers are in fact coming from ourselves and the rules we made up for ourselves a long time ago to follow.

The true meaning of leading a fully free life, free of the chains of society’s expectations as well as our own, lies in not how others perceive us, but how we perceive ourselves. Imagine how much greater your life would be if you took all that energy you exert on worrying about what others think about you and put that into worrying about yourself and how you’re going to be a better person every single day. Imagine how much more you could get done in the day! Imagine how much more potential, motivation and success you will have if you used all this energy on thinking about ourselves instead of everyone else!

There will always be people who doubt our capabilities or dislike us for reasons beyond our control. The key to rising above this negativity is to ensure that we are not our own worst critics. By focusing on how our lives feel rather than how they look, and by surrounding ourselves with people who uplift and inspire us, we can build a foundation of self-belief and genuine happiness. This blog explores how to navigate doubt, prioritiz=se inner fulfillment, and cultivate meaningful connections that enhance our lives.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

There is always going to be someone who doesn’t believe in you, or who doesn’t like you, or who doesn’t support your life choices – be it a family member, friend or partner. Just please don’t let this person be you.

You are our own biggest critic, whether you think there’s a hundred other people against you or not. You know that little voice in your head? Yeah? That’s your worst critic, as it’s so hard to shut off. With other people, we can simply choose not to speak to them again, or walk away from a conversation. When it comes to our own unkind remarks at those self-depracting comments, you can’t necessarily walk alway from yourself, can you? Instead, we learn self-love and self-compassion… but that’s something I’ll touch on another time.

In life right now you may have someone who is your number one supporter – a best friend, a sister, a partner, a parent. This is great to have, as these people pick us up when we fall down, but have you ever thought about what it might be like if that person wasn’t there anymore? A bit morbid, sure, but sometimes we have to think about the hard stuff to bring out the better in us. Or a tad more light-hearted, what if they stopped believing in you? I don’t want this to be another worry in your head, but let’s just think of the worst case scenario. My point here is that your number one supporter needs to be yourself. This is because on those days when your friend, partner, mum isn’t there for you, do you go into a state of panic? I know I do 🙋‍♀️.

You need to be the one bigging yourself up every single day. Having additional support is good, we all need that comfort blanket, but you also have to be ok doing the hard things on your own – you’re not always going to have someone to hold your hand through the shit.

LETTING GO OF THE NEED TO CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS

Coming off the back of the smaller point I made just now about not everyone is going to like you, you don’t need to waste time and energy to change those opinions. There are 8 billion people on this world and not everyone is going to like you! You are just simply not going to make everyone happy. It’s like when you are trying to pick a day in a friends group chat to all meet up. Now that everyone has moved away or at university, it can be hard, right? You can’t please everyone with one single date that everyone can do – you’ve got to pick a day that best suits the majority. You can’t make everyone happy at all once.

I am trying to think of why so many of us try to make everyone like us. Is it a popularity thing? Is it a validation thing? The only idea that I have is that when we are children in the playground at school, we are told by our teachers to be friends with everyone, to play with everyone, to never leave anyone out. Now that I’m older, I see how much of a false pretense this is. You are not going to like everyone, and not everyone is going to like you. It is as simple as that.

It can hurt when you have built up your self-worth beyond this point, to know that seeking validation and approval from (most of the time) total strangers, is pointless and only an energy-drainer, and then for someone to come along in your life and not like you – be it a friend of a friend’s one night at the pub, or a new crush. Your confidence may get temporarily tainted but don’t let that stop you! Rise up and go again.

If you’ve been a part of the Pepetoe community for a while, I’d hope that you are starting to see some progress with your self-worth more than anything else I talk about / try and promote. This may be the best measure: do you still care what other people think of you? It’s ok if you do! We can work on that.

PRIORITISING INNER FULFILLMENT OVER OUTSIDE APPEARANCES

How your life feels is more important than how it looks. Read that again.

With social media taking over our lives – both personal, social and now academical and professional – it can be easy to fall into the hole of caring about how our lives look to others, if it is “aesthetic” enough, if we are “on trend”. I mean, also depending on what age you are. But the younger generations – Gen Z, Gen X, Millenials – find this a little harder to get out of.

To be completely transparent with you, I do love leading an aesthetic life, and sharing “Insta-worthy” photos on my socials. I have, for sure, jumped on the trends like Free Soul Greens, matcha, reformer pilates and skincare and beauty buys, but they do work for me. Then again, behind the screen I’m usually wrapped in my duvet with a bowl of crisps, acne cream all over my face and having not showered in a couple days (gross I know but this might might help a few people). In short, I’m not always this “aesthetic blogger girl”, although I do like to be when I have the motivation!

We won’t always have motivation, and it’s ok to have slow days (NOT lazy days) or rest days in bed – I love these days and in fact I try and reserve my Sundays for this kind of thing. On these days, our life isn’t (or probably isn’t) going to look amazing, and that’s totally ok!

We compare our careers, our uni experiences, our social life, our skin, our bodies, our exercise performance and so much more to people we don’t even know online. We also compare ourselves to the people in our life that we do know, and I think this is worst of all.

We are ALL on different life paths. We ALL have different fitness goals. We ALL have different routines. And none of that matters. What matters is that we feel like our life is good. From the inside. That we have reached this level of inner peace, and we know that all that matters is that we know we are on the right path, whether that is taking it slower at the moment, or not going out and being social. We are all on the right path.

IDENTIFYING AND CHERISHING YOUR POSITIVE INFLUENCES

Pay attention to who you are with when you feel your best. Who are these people in your life?

You shouldn’t have to take any shit from anyone. There I said it. If you feel drained and exhausted from hanging out with certain people, you simply shouldn’t be hanging out with them. Your closest friends, partners and family should lift you up; be energy givers, not energy drainers.

Pay attention to the people you look up to on social media too. If you find yourself spending time scrolling and scrolling (doomscrolling and coming away from the screen feeling overwhelmed, angry, sad, or any other kind of negative emotion, that is your sign to unfollow those certain people. It’s not realistic to say that if we do this then social media will be one happy place. No, there will always be triggers as social media can’t be a good place, as people can generally share what the hell they like. But pay attention to the time you’re spending on there, and whose content you consume the most.

Find the people in your life and online who support you and make you feel good about yourself. Don’t be afraid to cut people out of your life if they no longer serve you.

And if you have a best friend, a partner or a family member who is your favourite and close person and they still bring you down from time to time, have a chat with them. Explain how you need positivity, not constant negativity or [one-upping](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/one-up#:~:text=Meaning of one-up in English&text=to get an advantage over,had had the worst year.).

CONCLUSION

Navigating the often turbulent waters of external judgement and self-doubt can be challenging, but it’s essential for a fulfilling life. Remember, the most important person who needs to believe in you is yourself. Don’t waste precious energy trying to win over everyone; focus on those who genuinely uplift you. Prioritise how your life feels over how it appears to others. Cultivate relationships that bring out the best in you and foster a sense of inner peace. By embracing these principles, you’ll build a resilient foundation of self-belief and happiness, making you better equipped to handle the inevitable naysayers. Keep striving for a life that feels good from the inside out, and surround yourself with those who support your journey.