In this fast-paced high-pressure world we live in, with hustle culture being the norm, it can be incredibly easy to suppress our emotions and consequently let them bubble up inside of us. Yet, we forget how important our emotions actually are.

Perhaps you have been taught as a child that having a stiff upper lip is a good thing. Perhaps you have learnt to turn your emotions off, based on negative past experiences or traumas. Perhaps you were too afraid to speak up in the past.

This stops right here. Ok, maybe not right now, as the journey to embracing your emotions and finding healthy ways to deal with them is not as simple as saying “I will do this right away”. Today I will talk you through the importance of finding your way with your emotions.

The importance of emotions

Emotions are not your enemy, and they never will be. Sure it can be hard or even hurt us to feel so many at times we’d rather not. However, it is better in the long run to feel them as they come one at a time – other wise we face this problem of bottling them up and becoming so overwhelmed and even paralysed by them.

On top of that, emotions do not control you. In fact, one of the only things we can control in life – along with our reactions – is our emotions. That may sound ridiculous to you and you may find yourself saying out loud to me now “I can’t control when I cry”. This is a common misconception. While it’s true that we can’t always control the initial surge of emotion or the physiological responses they provoke, we do have control over how we understand, process, and respond to these emotions.

For example, crying is a natural response to a variety of intense emotions, such as sadness, joy, or frustration. It’s a physical manifestation of an emotional state. However, what we can control is our mindset towards these emotions and how we choose to deal with them. By acknowledging our emotions and allowing ourselves to experience them fully, we gain the power to manage them in a healthy way. This might mean taking a moment to breathe deeply when you feel overwhelmed, talking about your feelings with someone you trust, or engaging in activities that help you process your emotions, such as journaling or exercising.

Understanding the root cause of our emotions can help us address the underlying issues rather than just the symptoms. For example, if you find yourself crying frequently (and this isn’t a bad thing – I do it A LOT!) it may be beneficial to explore what triggers these tears. Are you experiencing stress at work, unresolved grief, or perhaps a feeling of loneliness? By identifying these triggers, you can take proactive steps to address them, whether that’s seeking professional help, making lifestyle changes, or practicing self-care routines.

Easier said than done, I know. It has taken me a hell of a lot of therapy and self-reflection to understand my emotions – and even now I struggle from time to time. But it is a journey, and a fun one at that. “Fun” may be the wrong word; how about interesting instead?

Controlling your emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them or pretending they don’t exist. It means cultivating emotional intelligence – the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions and those of others. This empowers you to navigate life’s challenges more effectively, build stronger relationships, and achieve a sense of inner peace. Remember, your emotions are a vital part of who you are, and learning to embrace and manage them is key to leading a balanced and fulfilling life.

Suppressing your emotions in relationships

You may have experienced a time in your current or a past relationship where you feel like you can’t speak up, or you’re so full of emotions that it prohibits you from explaining how you are feeling to your partner. Either way, it’s a rubbish feeling.

Take me for example. I go on and on about how communication is key to a healthy and durable relationship, but I still struggle with this. Oftentimes when I feel too much, I shut down. This can be so difficult for me, as the one feeling it, and also my partner, as the one having to try and navigate a way around it. It can take me over an hour to admit to myself, and then to my partner, what is wrong or how I am feeling.

Sometimes I don’t know what is wrong – and this is ok, too. As long as we communicate with our partner, or friend, or sister – whichever relationship this is possibly damaging, doesn’t have to be romantic – we can find a way, together, to find a solution and work a way around it.

Suppressing our emotions in relationships can create a rift between partners, leading to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts. When we bottle up our feelings, we deny our partners the opportunity to understand our perspective and to support us. Over time, this can cause resentment to build, as unmet emotional needs and unspoken issues fester. This lack of communication can make partners feel disconnected, creating an emotional distance that can be hard to bridge. It’s important to recognise that sharing our emotions, even when difficult, is crucial for the health and longevity of our relationships.

Communicating openly, even when we’re unsure of what’s wrong, can be challenging but is essential for maintaining a strong connection. Start by expressing that something feels off without placing blame or expecting immediate solutions. For instance, saying, “I’m feeling a bit unsettled, but I’m not sure why,” invites your partner to support you without feeling attacked. It also opens the door to a collaborative effort in understanding and addressing the issue together. This approach fosters a sense of teamwork and mutual respect, as both partners navigate the complexity of emotions as a united front.

Moreover, acknowledging that it’s okay not to have all the answers immediately is key. Emotions can be complex and multifaceted, and sometimes it takes time to unravel what’s really going on. Encourage open dialogue and reassure each other that it’s alright to feel confused or overwhelmed. By cultivating a safe and supportive environment for emotional expression, you allow for deeper understanding and empathy to develop, strengthening the bond between you and your partner. Practicing patience, active listening, and validation can help you both feel heard and valued, ultimately fostering a more intimate and resilient relationship.

Conclusion: embrace your emotions

Remember: emotions do not control you; you can control them. This means recognising that while you can’t always dictate when or how emotions arise, you can influence how you respond to them. By understanding your emotions and developing strategies to manage them, you gain the power to navigate your emotional landscape effectively.

It is also not a weakness to show your emotions. Society often equates vulnerability with fragility, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Showing your emotions and being vulnerable requires immense strength and courage. It allows for genuine connections with others, fostering empathy and trust. When you express your emotions openly, you invite others to do the same, creating an environment of mutual support and understanding.

Vulnerability can be a good thing because it is the foundation of authentic relationships. It enables you to connect on a deeper level with those around you, sharing your true self rather than a facade. This honesty can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling interactions, as well as a stronger sense of community and belonging. Furthermore, embracing vulnerability allows for personal growth. It encourages self-reflection and self-awareness, helping you to learn from your experiences and build resilience.

In essence, controlling your emotions and embracing vulnerability are key components of emotional health. They empower you to lead a more authentic, connected, and resilient life. By rejecting the notion that emotions are a sign of weakness, you open yourself up to the full richness of the human experience.