Do you ever find yourself trapped in the endless cycle of saying “yes” when you really mean “no”? Or perhaps you’re the designated superhero, bending over backward to accommodate everyone else’s needs while neglecting your own well-being? If so, welcome to the club of certified people pleasers – a title worn with equal parts pride and exhaustion.

But what exactly is people pleasing?

It’s more than just being kind, generous, or altruistic. It’s a way of life for those who go above and beyond to win the approval of others. Beneath the surface, it often stems from a cocktail of insecurities – a lack of self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth (yes, all those ‘selfs-‘ are at play here). People pleasers yearn to belong, to fit in, to be liked – perhaps stemming from past struggles with friendships or relationships that left them feeling less than worthy.

So, what does people pleasing look like in action? It’s avoiding disagreement like the plague, suppressing your honest opinions to maintain harmony. It’s overcommitting to plans or projects, whether social or professional, because saying “no” feels like a betrayal. It’s standing on the sidelines, silently enduring mistreatment rather than standing up for yourself.

But the pressure doesn’t end there. People pleasers often feel compelled to don a facade of constant cheerfulness, fearing they’ll burden others with their problems. They cram their calendars with obligations, sacrificing their own time and well-being to fulfill the expectations of others. Conflict becomes the ultimate enemy, and avoiding it at all costs becomes second nature.

But let me tell you a secret: You are not a burden. Your needs are valid, your voice matters, and your worth is not defined by your ability to please others. It takes courage and self-discovery to break free from the shackles of people pleasing, but remember – the journey to reclaiming your authenticity and prioritising your own needs is worth every step.

However, it’s crucial to recognise that people pleasing is not sustainable in the long run. Continuously prioritising the needs and desires of others over your own can lead to burnout, resentment, and a deep sense of dissatisfaction with life. True fulfilment comes from honouring your own values, boundaries, and aspirations, even if it means occasionally disappointing others.

Breaking free

So, how can we break free from the grip of people pleasing and reclaim our autonomy? It starts with cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion. Recognise the patterns of behaviour that keep you trapped in the cycle of people pleasing, and challenge them with kindness and understanding. Practice setting boundaries and saying “no” when necessary, knowing that prioritising your well-being is not selfish, but essential for a balanced and fulfilling life.

In conclusion, while the journey to overcoming people pleasing may be challenging, the rewards are immeasurable. By embracing authenticity, self-compassion, and assertiveness, we can break free from the shackles of approval-seeking and live life on our own terms. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness – and it all starts with honouring yourself first.