During our lives we have those times where we find ourselves in situations where we need to stand up for ourselves. However, if you have never learned the best ways to do this, it may feel overwhelming.

In the past, there may have been times where you felt quashed for standing up for yourself – maybe you had a bad experience with doing this at school, or you felt like you didn’t have a voice during a particular event in your life. Perhaps you even struggle with confrontation and yearn to avoid it at all costs, or you might struggle with recognising your own needs and setting boundaries – this applies to those who have just started out on this journey of self-discovery.

Having a passive stance in life may seem like a good moral to follow, but allowing people to walk over you is likely to make you feel angry and resentful. This is why learning to use confrontation in a positive way to help through those emotions you are feeling in that time is a crucial tool in self-reflection.

Standing up for yourself can be challenging for several reasons:

1. Fear of Conflict: Many people avoid confrontation or conflict, fearing that asserting themselves may lead to arguments or strained relationships.
2. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may struggle to recognise their own worth or believe they deserve to assert themselves.
3. Desire for Approval: Some people prioritise maintaining harmony and seek approval from others, leading them to avoid asserting their own needs or opinions.
4. Past Experiences: Negative past experiences, such as being dismissed or belittled when standing up for oneself, can create fear or reluctance to assert oneself in the future.
5. Cultural or Societal Norms: Cultural or societal norms may discourage assertiveness, particularly for marginalised groups who may face backlash or discrimination when speaking up.
6. Lack of Assertiveness Skills: Some individuals may simply lack the necessary skills or confidence to assert themselves effectively in various situations.
7. Fear of Rejection: There is often a fear of rejection or negative consequences, such as being criticised or ostracised, which can deter individuals from standing up for themselves.

Standing up for oneself requires courage, self-awareness, and assertiveness skills, all of which can be challenging to develop and maintain.

There are many ways to stand up for yourself. Here are 7:

1. Learn to say ‘no’: Politely decline requests or invitations that do not align with your priorities or values. Example: “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m unable to attend the event this weekend. I need to prioritise some self-care time.”
2. Surround yourself with support: Reach out to supportive friends, family members, or professionals for guidance and encouragement when standing up for yourself. Example: Discussing challenging situations with a trusted friend or mentor to gain perspective and support in asserting yourself effectively.
3. Back yourself: Stay firm and confident in your stance, even if others attempt to pressure or manipulate you. Example: Politely but firmly declining to engage in gossip or negative talk about others, even if it’s encouraged by peers.
4. Express your needs clearly: Clearly communicate your needs, feelings, and boundaries in a calm and respectful manner. Example: “I feel overwhelmed with my current workload. I need to discuss prioritising tasks to ensure I can meet deadlines without sacrificing quality.”
5. Use assertive communication: Use sentences beginning with ‘I’ to express your thoughts and feelings assertively, without blaming or accusing others. Example: “I feel frustrated when my contributions are overlooked in group projects. I would appreciate it if we could discuss ways to ensure everyone’s ideas are heard.”
6. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with others to protect your time, energy, and well-being. Example: “I appreciate your friendship, but I need some space right now to focus on my own priorities. Can we catch up another time?”
7. Push through any feelings of guilt: If you’ve never stood up for yourself before, or find it hard to do so, you may feel guilty for asserting your needs and being firmer. Do not let the guilt take over. It is hard to do, but the more practice you have with setting boundaries and expressing your needs, the less guilt you will feel.

By implementing these strategies and examples, you can develop the confidence and skills to stand up for yourself assertively in various personal and professional settings.