Friday 9 June

Humans are social beings. An innate goal in life is to belong and to be accepted into a group, or society. Thus, it’s a given that we care so deeply about what others think of us. But is it healthy?

Belonging is a key human trait, according to any psychology journal you read – keeping in mind the ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy.’ Identity comes first and foremost.

At a very young age, through school, it is drilled into us that we need to “belong” to a certain social group. As a child your parents may have urged you to try new clubs, new sports, with the main objective of making friends. It’s true that we need friends in our life, as we are social animals after all. However, the pressure placed upon us at such an early point in our lives can have a rather significant impact later in life.

With wanting to belong and identify with a group comes the idea of needing to fit in with the crowd. We follow trends – cut and dye our hair the same way all the celebrities do, buy the new-in shoes and clothes, follow the workouts and diets. Even at school, we see everyone else using a certain lipgloss or talking about a new fad.

We yearn for this acceptance. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing – we can’t doing anything about it, it’s built into our cognitive thinking. However, with the rise of social media in recent years, it has become a lot harder to fit in.

Keeping up with the trends, what to post on social media, who to follow, is now the new epitome of fitting in. I bet there was that person in your class at school who didn’t have a single social media account. There’s always one. Even now. A part of you may even thought that was weird, because they “don’t fit in” as they don’t have the latest phone or social media platforms.

It’s never ending.

So, why do we care so much about what others think?

With all the acceptance and identity, we want people to like us. It hurts when we realise that someone actually doesn’t like you. And it’s quickly to turn that into a spiral of “why does no one like me?” We are not meant to please everyone, and we definitely are not made to be friends with everyone. But we want to belong and to fit in.

Why bother? It’s exhausting trying to keep up with the trends all the time. It’s also expensive, if you think you have to buy all new clothes every month. Trends fade in and out, some stay momentarily, some never go out of fashion, and some return. The point here is that, trends aren’t always permanent. The only thing that’s permanent is who you are, and trying to fit in with a particular crowd just to say that you belong, isn’t living up to this quota.

The narrative has changed. I’m sure you’re aware. Even though it seems harder than ever to fit in and keep up to date with the latest gossip and hashtags, I think that everyone is now learning to focus on themselves. And wow that is a brilliant thing.

We get too caught up in what people think of us. At the end of the day, no one is looking at us or thinking about us. We’re just another face. As harsh as that sounds, it’s the truth.

A little anecdote: ever walk around the gym and think everyone is staring at you, or you think someone’s looking at you and thinking “she’s definitely using that machine wrong”? Gym anxiety is a perfect example of this overthinking. In fact, everyone is so caught up with themselves that they’re not looking at you. If they are looking at you, it’s probably because they’re admiring you in some way or another, or wishing they were you. This is where comparison comes in too, but I’ve shed a lot of light on that in past posts.

We may be at a social event or gathering and find ourselves making (what we believe is) a stupid, dumb comment or joke. We start to think others are thinking that you’re weird, or that they start talking behind your back. If they are thinking and doing those things, that’s on them and that’s something they need to work on too. But, they’re probably not thinking those things, because at the end of the day, we’re just as weird as each other for one, and secondly we’re all to caught up in our own bubbles to really care

Today I’m telling you to take a second to really think about why you care so much about what others think of you. Sure, you want to impress them and fit in, don’t we all? Let’s continue to change the narrative on that and learn to focus on ourselves for ourselves. Nothing will change unless this happens. Care about yourself first, and then the others around you.

The only acceptance you need is from yourself. Not your friends, family, your followers, or the strangers you see on the street. Be you, for you. Work on you, for you.

Signing off,

Pepetoe