Thursday 8 June

I want this post to be special…

With exams coming to an end very soon and summer right around the corner, what better to way to kick it off with a post all about hope!

I admit that I’ve not poured a ton of hope and promise into my last few posts. It’s been hard, thinking about changing up my life path, not knowing where I’m going. Now, I finally have this hope that maybe it will all turn out ok. Just because things are coming to a close doesn’t mean only bad things will happen. My brain works that way: if one thing crumbles, I start to believe everything is too. But it’s not. It doesn’t have to be that way. If anything, sad endings mean new, exciting beginning. Something better is on the horizon, just coming into reach.

When I decided to take a year out, I was terrified. My life has always been planned to the tee: school, uni, travel, get a job… Now I have this new chapter ahead of me and I’m hopeful, excited. I’ve never had a stage in my life where anything can happen. I know that some amazing things are going to happen, and there’ll be bad days too of course. But I’m hanging onto that hope because it is what will propel me through this year of uncertainty.

I plan to enjoy this year and use it to really think about what I want to do in life, who I want in my life and how I want to change. Friends and family are there to support me along the way and I am super grateful for them right now. I need to get through this on my own, navigate the world on my own, without the constant need to prove myself that I can “just get through another term”. It’s scary and all-too consuming, but at the same time, it’s exhilarating and it empowers me that I am able to take a step back and evaluate my life and think deeply about who I am and what I want.

I hope you take this post with a pinch of salt. I can’t be fully optimistic about this situation right now, but I’m trying, and that’s all I ever ask from you guys. Even on your bad days, just try. Try to get out of bed, try to explore new things, try to be ok on your own. We all need days off from time to time, we all need self-care every day. It’s important, so remember that.

Signing off,

Pepetoe (Ellie) <3