The Lies My Eating Disorder Told Me

A blog post by Pepetoe.

Eating disorders are persuasive. Mine didn’t shout. It didn’t sound chaotic or dramatic. It sounded calm. Rational. Logical. It sounded like me for a long time. That was the scariest part. Well, I guess the voice did shout at me, especially at the start of recovery, and sometimes it is still loud, but it doesn’t sound like me anymore.

It told me I would be happier if I was smaller.
It told me I wasn’t sick enough to need help.
It told me I was “just being healthy.”
It told me I was in control.

And because it spoke in my own voice, it was incredibly hard to question. This is a breakdown of the lies my eating disorder convinced me were true, and what I learned when I finally began challenging them.

Lie #1: “You’ll Be Happier When You’re Smaller”

This was the foundation. The belief that everything – confidence, success, relationships, peace – was waiting on the other side of a smaller body. It framed weight loss as a solution. As progress. As achievement. And for a while, it felt convincing. Compliments reinforced it. External validation strengthened it. There was a sense of momentum.

But here’s what I eventually realised: The goalposts kept moving.

There was never a point where it felt “enough.” The number could always be lower. The standard could always be higher. The satisfaction was temporary, quickly replaced by a new target.

Happiness does not live in a smaller body. If anything, the smaller I tried to become, the smaller my life became too.

What I learned:
Shrinking my body did not expand my joy. It narrowed it.

Lie #2: “You’re Not Sick Enough”

This one was constant. It compared me to everyone else. To stereotypes. To extremes. To hospital beds. To visible deterioration.

It said:
“You’re still functioning.”
“You’re still achieving.”
“You’re not that bad.”

It convinced me that unless I hit a certain threshold of crisis, I didn’t deserve support. But “not sick enough” is not a diagnosis. It is a distortion. Eating disorders thrive on comparison. There is always someone “worse.” And that comparison keeps people trapped, because it delays intervention.

What I learned:
If your relationship with food, exercise, or your body is controlling your thoughts and behaviour, that is enough. You do not need to prove severity to deserve help.

Lie #3: “You’re Just Being Healthy”

This one hid behind the toxic wellness and diet culture of 2020.

It disguised itself as:

Clean eating
Discipline
Optimisation
Self-control

It told me I was simply improving myself. And for a while, from the outside, it looked that way too. But health is not rigid. It is not obsessive. It is not rooted in fear. True health includes flexibility. It includes balance. It includes rest.

When behaviours become driven by anxiety rather than nourishment, something has shifted.

What I learned:
Intent matters. If a choice is driven by fear, guilt, or compulsion, it is not wellness, no matter how it looks on the surface.

Lie #4: “You’re In Control”

This might have been the most deceptive lie of all. Eating disorders create the illusion of control. Meals are measured. Routines are strict. Numbers are monitored. It can feel powerful. But control that controls you is not freedom.

The reality was:

I could not eat spontaneously without panic
I could not rest without guilt
I could not deviate from routine without distress

That is not control. That is captivity.

What I learned:
Real control includes choice. If you cannot choose differently without fear, you are not in control — the disorder is.

Lie #5: “You Don’t Need Help”

This lie fed off pride and perfectionism. It told me I should be able to handle it alone. That asking for help meant weakness. That I just needed more willpower. But eating disorders are not a willpower issue.

They are complex mental illnesses with psychological and physiological components. They alter thought patterns. They affect hunger cues. They rewire reward systems. Trying to out-discipline an eating disorder is like trying to outrun a broken ankle.

What I learned:
Seeking help is not failure. It is an act of strength. You are not meant to manage an illness alone.

Why The Lies Felt So Convincing

The most unsettling part is that none of these lies felt extreme at the time. They felt rational. They aligned with societal messaging about productivity, discipline, thinness, and achievement. They were reinforced by culture, by compliments, by silence.

Eating disorders do not always present as chaos. Sometimes they present as quiet logic. And that is why they are so difficult to untangle.

Challenging That Voice

Recovery did not happen because the voice disappeared. It happened because I started questioning it. Instead of automatically believing the thought, I began asking:

Is this fear or fact?
Is this kind?
Is this sustainable?
What would I say to someone else in this situation?

That pause created space. And in that space, I could choose differently. The voice still tries, occasionally. It still reappears in moments of stress or vulnerability. But it is quieter now. Less authoritative.

Because I know it lies.

If You’re Hearing The Same Lies

If your mind is telling you that you are not sick enough, not deserving enough, not struggling enough, please know that this narrative is painfully common.

Eating disorders are persuasive. They distort reality. They weaponise your strengths. They speak in your own voice. But just because a thought feels logical does not mean it is true.

You deserve:

Support without comparison
Nourishment without guilt
Rest without earning it
A life that is not measured in numbers

And perhaps most importantly, you deserve freedom from a voice that convinces you that suffering is success.