A blog by Pepetoe.

We are taught a lot during our childhood and then in our young adult years, but one thing no one ever teaches us is about letting go of our younger selves, of chapters that are now closed, of the versions of ourselves we used to be. And, in only 22 years here, I’ve had my fair share of having to do this, with little to no guidance at all.

There’s something absolutely terrifying, but perhaps equally refreshing, about conquering this feat the first time around. The moment you realise that an old habit, an old version of ourself, an old personality, no longer fits into the life we have now, it’s an odd one. It’s scary. But it is also liberating.

But learning to let that old thing go? Oof, that’s a hard pill to swallow. And worse? No one tells us how to do it.

If I could go back to my younger self now, before the friendship drama hit, before puberty came along, before my first heartbreak, my first loss… I’d tell her exactly what I’m telling you. It’s gonna hurt, letting go of something, of yourself, or someone, but it will get easier. Well, the second time, you might be thinking “I have to do this again?!” and it will hurt just the same, if not more. But from then on, you’ll learn that this is a natural part of life. Moving on. Starting again. Trying something new. And it doesn’t stop when puberty stops, or when you turn 18, 30, 50, or 100. You keep on losing old parts of yourself. That made sound severe or harrowing, but it’s the truth.

If we flip it around, however, and look at the positives that each loss can create… life becomes a little less treacherous.

With loss comes rebirth – whether that is a person or an old version of yourself. By things and people leaving your life, you’re making room for new ones. And there’s so much beauty in that. So, if you’re like me and think “boy, 2025 did a real number on me!”, first of all, you’re not alone. Secondly, don’t go thinking that this year won’t have its fair share of hardships, because I guarantee there’ll be some tough pills to swallow this time around too! But you can start this year with all of those battles you had to face in 2025 and look at where you are now.

Letting go of old versions of ourselves is (and never will be) easy. But if we stay true to ourselves, we can learn to use these as part of our armour going forward. To be the momentum for us to keep going. To serve as a reminder of how strong we are.

The act of letting go is hard because those versions kept us safe. Even when they were hurting us at the time.

So, why does it feel so damn uncomfortable?

1. Identity is sticky
Our brains crave consistency. Even if an old version of you was anxious, over-controlled, people-pleasing, or stuck in survival mode, it became familiar. Letting go can feel like losing a sense of “who I am,” and the brain reads that as a threat.

Identity is what makes us who we are (literally). And, with time, things change, just like the seasons do. We change. Therefore, our identities also change. It’s nothing to be scared of, though I understand how terrifying it can be. We need to remember that with hardships come these shifts in our perspective and ultimately who we are, and that’s not a bad thing.

2. Old versions were coping mechanisms
Many past versions of ourselves formed during difficult seasons. They weren’t random. They were responses to so many different things that were going on at the time. Control, restriction, numbness, overachievement, perfectionism… these traits often protected us once. Releasing them might feel ungrateful or unsafe, like abandoning something that got us through.

But these traits are no longer “healthy” coping mechanisms, and they never truly were. They were distractions, something which kept us going, even if it meant hurting ourselves even more in the long run. Trust me, I’ve still got a list of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and some that I may not let go of anytime soon, because, as humans and as any animal does, we go off instinct, off survival. So, anything that keeps us alive (dark, I know) is worth it in that moment. We can address and unravel it all later when we are ready.

3. There’s grief involved
We don’t talk about this enough, but letting go means mourning:

• the time you spent being that person
• the belief that “if I just stay like this, I’ll be okay”
• the life you thought that version would lead to

Grief doesn’t only show up after loss. It shows up during growth. And I think that’s such a powerful thing to remember. While we are processing this loss, we are also grieving it, which is what’s keeping us from moving forward and through it. We cling onto these habits or chapters of our lives with a glimmer of hope that we could one day return to them. That’s not how life works, unfortunately. Yes, the phrase “one step forwards, two steps back” has some meaning here, but ultimately our goal in life is to continuously move forward. That’s survival, that’s evolution. So, let yourself evolve and change, adapt and overcome. That’s your way out.

4. Growth removes certainty
Old versions come with rules, routines, and predictability. New versions come with unknowns. Even if the new version is healthier, the uncertainty can feel scarier than the pain we already know. Letting go is so scary because we fear change and uncertainty and this lack of control. You know what, though? Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you are always in control of your life. Yes, there’ll be some curveballs thrown your way, but you can always choose how to react to it. How? With all of this growth that follows each life-changing pivotal moment. You have the power to start new, and that’s exciting!

5. We confuse change with betrayal
Especially if others got used to the old you. Choosing differently can feel like letting people down, or like you’re “faking” this new self, when really, you’re just evolving.

The worst part of betrayal, though, is one committed to yourself, by you. And change can often make you feel like that is the case. Sometimes, though, life gets in the way of that, and life isn’t always fair. In fact, it never really is! You’re not betraying yourself by changing and adapting. If anything, you’re giving love to yourself by letting go of those versions of you that no longer serve you. That isn’t betrayal, that’s growth.

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The important thing? You’re not failing at growth if it feels hard. Struggle doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. In fact, it usually means you’re going forward. That you’re standing right at the edge of becoming someone new.

You don’t have to hate your old selves to release them. You can thank them… and still move on.

Xo Pepetoe