A blog by Pepetoe.

The pressure to be successful, to achieve, to excel… to be better. It’s draining, isn’t it? And each one of us feels it constantly. Whether the pressure is coming from ourselves, our parents, colleagues, peers, or the media, it leaves us feeling like we can never be perfect, never get anything right. I’m here today to tell you that all of that is fake. It’s not the truth. Because I guarantee that all of you believe that none of that are the true expectations we want for ourselves, and that deep down, we don’t really care what other people think – we just want to live our lives the way we want to.

We’ve been raised to take everything we see as the truth: online, on social media, on the news. It’s like our bible. And for you younger ones out there, we really do see social media as validity, as a way we should live our lives. But really? We know it’s fake, we know there’s filters, and lies, and we don’t get to see the whole story. So, why do we continue to believe that we should follow others online and live the way they make us think they live?

The bottom line is, we want to fit in. Whether you were that kid at school or not, always trying to “glow up” and fit in with the “cool kids”, it’s engrained deep in our brains that we have to fit in. It’s a survival instinct, a part of our story as humans, and without it, centuries ago, we wouldn’t have survived. I think on some level that’s true now. On some level, we do have to follow the rules of life, and “fit in”. You have to have a job, you have to get good grades. Those are just the bare truths. But everything else? That’s up to you.

For years I’ve strived to live my life like I think I should, with those expectations floating around my head. I was the girl at school who wanted to be popular, sporty, have lots of friends. And in some way I did, but I didn’t have to be the most popular girl in school. I fit in, regardless, because I had the same thing as anyone else: I was willing to do that. Sounds strange, right? But I think all of us wanted that, to some extent. Who doesn’t want friends? Who doesn’t want to “fit in” and blend in? Not because we want to be the same as everyone else, but because we don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb. That’s not a bad thing, and I wish people would start to see that. As I said, we have to fit in, otherwise we’d struggle even more.

Flash forward to now, and I think I’m still doing a similar thing, but in a more subtle way. I have friends (only a few), I have a good job, a boyfriend, a loving family, a social life, and I travel (when I can outside of work). And this is most people in their early 20s. I’m not trying to follow some rule book, but it’s happened anyway, because these pillars of life are the essentials, our basic needs. So, stop picking yourself apart for wanting to fit in, because you’re probably already doing it anyway.

Now, there’s so many different personalities and types of people, that everyone fits in. Think back to school. I know I said about the popular group and a lot of us wanting to be like them, but there’s more than just those people. There’s the sporty group, the gamer group, the book group, the quiet group, the party group, plus loads more. There’s loads of different personalities, and yet we still fit in. Social media has been a blessing in that way that we can find our group of people, with no judgement. I think it’s helped a lot of people find out who they are, and be ok with who they are.

What I’m trying to get across to you is that you don’t have to try and fit in, because you probably already do. You’re perfect just the way you are, and there’s thousands of people who are just the same as you, in the same point of life as you right now, so you are not alone. And this pressure to constantly be better? It doesn’t exist. Why? Because I know that every one of you reading this right now, think that’s bullshit anyway! So, let’s rewrite this narrative, because we no longer have to live up to hundreds of standards anymore. Take your own small and big wins, and let that be enough, for you.

Xo Pepetoe.