For most of my life, I thought I had to prove myself. Prove I was smart enough. Prove I was successful enough. Prove I was “recovered enough.” The list goes on.

But here’s the truth I’ve been learning lately: living to prove something to other people will only drain you. Living to improve for yourself will grow you.

The Trap of Proving

When we fall into the “proving” cycle, our worth becomes tied to external validation. We start thinking:

• If they like me, then I must be good enough.
• If I hit this milestone, then I’ll finally be worthy.
• If I show no weakness, they’ll respect me.

But here’s the problem: proving never ends. There’s always someone new to impress, something new to check off, another standard to meet. And in chasing that, we forget who we’re actually living for.

The Shift to Improving

Improving is different. Improving is internal. It’s not about looking perfect to others, instead it’s about asking: Am I growing? Am I kinder to myself today than yesterday? Am I learning?

Improving isn’t about grand gestures. Sometimes it’s:

• Choosing rest over burnout.
• Saying “no” when you need to.
• Eating the meal even when the ED voice tells you not to.
• Asking for help instead of struggling in silence.

Those aren’t things you “prove.” Those are things you live.

Why This Matters in Recovery

For me, this mindset shift has been huge in recovery. At first, I thought I had to prove I was getting better. Prove I was eating, prove I was fine, prove I was “past it.” But that only kept me stuck in performance mode.

Recovery isn’t about proving you’re better to the world. It’s about improving your relationship with yourself, step by step. That’s the work that lasts.

A Reminder for You

If you’re reading this and feel stuck in proving mode, I want you to remember this:

• You don’t need to prove your worth. You already have it.
• The right people don’t need proof. They just want to see you thrive.
• Growth doesn’t come from performance, it comes from presence, and showing up for yourself every day.

So instead of asking, How do I prove myself today? try asking, How can I improve for me today? The answers might be softer, smaller, less flashy, but they’re the ones that matter.

Because at the end of the day, proving fades. Improving lasts.

Xo Pepetoe