Have you ever found yourself spiralling in a loop of “what if I had just…” or “maybe if I’d done it differently…”? It’s such a subtle trap, and one that can feel almost productive, like you’re figuring things out or preparing for the future. But truthfully? It just keeps you stuck. Stuck in a past you can’t rewrite, and frozen in a present you’re too distracted to fully feel. I’ve been there more times than I can count – overanalysing decisions, replaying moments, trying to control outcomes that were never mine to hold onto. But lately, I’ve been learning how powerful it is to choose presence over perfection, and acceptance over overthinking. This post is for anyone who’s tired of mentally time-traveling, and ready to come home to right now.

The Subtle Trap of “What-Ifs”

Have you ever found yourself spiraling into endless “what if” scenarios? What if I’d chosen a different job? What if I’d stood up for myself? What if I’d just worked harder, tried harder, been better? These questions can masquerade as helpful, like we’re problem-solving or trying to learn from our mistakes. But really, they can become a trap, a loop that keeps us stuck in the past instead of living in the present.

How It Feels To Live In The Past

It’s heavy. It’s like carrying around an invisible weight that only you can feel. When we replay old conversations, regrets, and decisions, it can drain us. We’re stuck in a story that already happened, and no matter how many times we go over it, we can’t change the ending. It’s exhausting. And it’s also incredibly common, especially if you’re someone who’s used to holding yourself to impossible standards.

Letting Go of the Need to Rewrite the Past

Here’s the hard truth: no amount of overthinking or self-criticism can change what’s already done. Acceptance isn’t about letting yourself off the hook or pretending the past doesn’t matter. It’s about giving yourself permission to stop carrying it around. To stop letting it define how you feel about yourself today. Letting go is an act of self-compassion. It’s not weakness, it’s strength.

The Power of Choosing the Present

One of the best ways to quiet the “what ifs” is to come back to the here and now. It’s grounding. It’s real. Whether it’s taking a few deep breaths, putting your phone down for a moment, or noticing something beautiful around you, it all brings you back to this moment. And this moment is the only place where you have power to make a different choice. So the next time you feel this way, maybe it’s at your desk while you’re working: stand up, move away, and go do something else – a walk, make a drink, have a shower. Something completely detached from the situation you are in. And remember to breathe.

Gentle Affirmations to Bring You Back

Here are a few gentle reminders you can come back to when the “what ifs” start to creep in:

• “I am safe in the present moment.”
• “I trust myself to handle what comes next.”
• “The past is done. Today, I choose peace.”

Why This Matters for Your Mental Health

Spending too much time in the past can fuel anxiety, self-doubt, and exacerbate existing conditions, like eating disorders and so on. When we learn to catch ourselves and come back to the present, it’s like giving ourselves a fresh start, again and again. It’s a small but radical act of kindness toward yourself.

A Personal Reflection

I’ve spent so much of my life living in the past: overthinking, rewriting, trying to be perfect. It’s something I still work on every day. I catch myself spiralling, and then I pause. I come back to my breath, to the feeling of my feet on the floor, to the soft reminder that I don’t need to keep proving my worth. I’m allowed to just be here, right now. I’m not saying it’s easy, and to be fully honest, I end up spiralling out of control more than I can control it. But I’m learning, and it might be time you start to too.

If you’re feeling weighed down by “what ifs” today, I see you. You’re not alone. You’re not broken or failing, you’re just human. And you deserve to give yourself the same understanding and grace that you’d offer to anyone else. Take a deep breath. Come back to the present. You’ve got this.

Let me know in the comments: what’s one way you gently bring yourself back to the present when your mind won’t stop replaying the past? Let’s support each other in this 🌱💛