Have you ever found yourself stuck in a loop of self-criticism, where every small mistake feels like evidence that you’re not good enough? Maybe it’s the way you talk to yourself when things go wrong, or how you dismiss your accomplishments as never being quite enough. If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. So many of us carry this heavy weight of self-hate, even if we hide it well. But where does this relentless self-criticism come from, and why does it feel so hard to shake?

For a lot of us, this pattern starts young. Maybe you were the kid who wanted to be the best at everything—like me. It felt safe to keep going and going, like if I was achieving enough, no one could ever question my worth. But as I’ve grown older, that drive for perfection has turned into something else: a voice that never lets up, no matter how hard I work. It tells me that I’m enough, that I can always do more, be better. It’s a voice that’s hard to escape, even when you know it’s not fair.

The self-criticism spiral can feel like it’s woven into who you are, but the truth is, it’s often something we’ve learned over time. It’s fueled by societal messages telling us we have to look a certain way, act a certain way, or always be “on.” And it’s compounded by early experiences—teachers who praised your “perfect” work, parents who didn’t know how to separate love from achievement, friends who made you feel like you had to earn your place. And these are just a few generic examples (I’m sure we all have our own deeper ones, often stemming from personal expectations). Over time, these messages become a chorus in your head, drowning out the gentle truth that you’re worthy just for being you.

When you’re stuck in this cycle, it can feel like there’s no way out. You start to believe that your worth is measured by your productivity, your looks, your social standing—anything external. And if those things aren’t perfect, you feel like you’re failing. But that’s not the truth. The truth is, self-hate grows when we’re taught to see our worth as conditional. When we’re taught that mistakes mean we’re bad, or that we have to prove our value every day.

Breaking free from the self-criticism spiral takes time, and it’s not as simple as repeating affirmations in the mirror (though those can help!). It means gently challenging the stories you’ve been told—and the ones you keep telling yourself. It means noticing the voice in your head when it says you’re not enough and asking: Who taught me that? Why am I believing it?

I’m still learning this myself. Some days (well, most days), that perfectionist voice creeps in, especially when life feels uncertain or I’m scared of failing—which right now is very high. But every time I remind myself that my worth doesn’t hinge on what I do or how perfect I am, I take back a little piece of myself. It’s a slow process, and it’s not about fixing yourself, but rather it’s about remembering that you never needed fixing in the first place.

If you’re stuck in self-criticism right now, I hope you know this: you’re not broken for feeling this way. You’re not alone in your doubts. And you’re still so worthy of love, respect, and gentleness, even when your mind tells you otherwise. Let’s start rewriting the story, one kind thought at a time.

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If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Let’s open up the conversation. Leave a comment below or share this post with someone who might need it. Let’s remind ourselves that we’re enough, exactly as we are 💫