Navigating Identity Shifts & Perfectionism Burnout

I’ve been “the girl who has it all together” for as long as I can remember. I was the kid who raised her hand in class not just with the answer, but with a full essay memorised and ready to go. I asked for more homework. I wanted to be the best. I was the one who got 90%+ in every exam, A*s lined up like trophies. I wore perfectionism like armour. And, for a while, it worked.

Until it didn’t.

Because perfectionism doesn’t just stop at school. When my eating disorder took hold, it clung to that same trait: my need to achieve, to succeed, to control. It would tell me, “Be better. Be smaller. Be more in control.” And for a long time, I listened. Until the burnout came crashing in. I left university two years ago not because I wasn’t capable, but because my body and mind were screaming at me to stop. And now, in the world of work, I see the same patterns emerging again. That same high-achieving self, now in a different setting, pushing me past the edge. Running toward burnout with a smile on my face, because that’s what hustle culture glorifies. But when everything starts to crumble, my ED pipes up again… and the cycle repeats.

And yet, somehow, I still grieve the version of me who used to handle it all.

When “High Functioning” Was Just “High Surviving”

Maybe you know this version of yourself, too. The one who never said no. Who was always two steps ahead. Who looked composed, polished, successful – even while falling apart inside. She was the one people applauded. Teachers loved her. Bosses relied on her. Friends admired her. But you? You were exhausted.

Sometimes I miss her, even now. The part of me who could juggle every task, respond to every email immediately, be everything to everyone. And yet I also know now: that version of me was surviving. Not thriving. She was running on anxiety, on fear, on the belief that her worth came from what she could do, not who she was.

Why Healing Can Feel Like a Setback

The hardest part of recovery, whether it’s from an eating disorder, overworking, burnout, or a lifetime of perfectionism, is this quiet grief. The kind that sneaks up on you when you realise you can’t do what you used to. Not because you’re incapable (I’m making this point very clear), but because you’re choosing to take care of yourself now.

And the world doesn’t always celebrate that. It doesn’t hand out gold stars for boundaries or naps or emotional honesty. So you look around and wonder,

“Why does slowing down feel like failure?”
“Why do I feel guilty for needing rest?”
“Who am I without all the doing?”

It’s a disorienting space – one I still catch myself in. As the truth is, when everything feels overwhelming, I still feel the pull to “fix it” by achieving more. It’s familiar. It’s seductive. And it’s harmful.

Honouring the Version of You That Got You Here

I’ve come to realise: I don’t need to shame that past version of myself. She did what she had to do. She kept me going. She survived when things were hard. She believed that being perfect was the only way to be safe and accepted. And honestly? She got me here. To this place. To this moment. To this reflection.

But now, I don’t need to be her anymore.

I don’t need to earn rest. I don’t need to over-perform to be enough. And neither do you. Our worth is never, and should never, be tied to how well we perform, how “good” we are at burnout/an ED and so on. Even if people tell you that you’re not good enough – don’t listen. Know in your heart that you are, no matter what. Even if it seems like the opposite.

That’s the whole point of healing – to get to a place where you can be proud of yourself and like who you are, even when you’re falling on your face.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

Letting go of your high-achieving identity, even parts of your ED that were rooted in control and routine, doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re healing. It means you’re learning that doing less doesn’t make you less.

It means you’re discovering that your worth isn’t found in productivity, performance, or perfection, but in your presence, your softness, your ability to feel, your ability to love, your ability to know when to stop… and your willingness to heal.

If You’re Still in That Space…

This post is for you: the one who’s always been seen as “strong,” even when you’ve been crumbling. The one who looks like she’s got it all figured out, but secretly feels like she’s about to break. The one who still ties her worth to how much she can do, achieve, fix.

It’s okay to feel lost in this in-between space. It’s okay to miss the old you, even if she was breaking inside. It’s okay to grieve her, and while you’re still choosing to keep moving forward.

You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not weak.
You are human. You are healing. You are allowed to change.

And most importantly… you are enough, even when you do absolutely nothing at all.