Healing is messy. There, I said it. And it’s about time we stopped pretending it isn’t. We love neat, packaged stories of recovery and healing journeys, the ones where people triumph over their struggles, achieve their goals, and live their best lives. But the reality is much more complicated.

If you’re recovering from an eating disorder, struggling with mental health, or even just trying to be kinder to yourself, I’m here to tell you that healing isn’t a straight path. There is no “one-size-fits-all” journey. Sometimes, it feels like two steps forward, one step back. And that’s okay.

I used to think that setbacks meant I wasn’t doing it right. If I relapsed in any way, or felt low when I thought I’d “figured it out,” it felt like I was back at square one. But the truth is, recovery, no matter what the challenge is, is not about reaching a final destination. It’s about the process. It’s about progress that isn’t always linear. It’s about allowing yourself to fall, and then getting back up.

The Myth of “Linear Recovery”

We often hear about “recovery milestones.” These are great for celebrating progress, but they can also create an unhealthy idea that there’s a perfect, linear path toward healing. If you’re not always improving, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing. But we need to shift that mindset. Growth doesn’t happen in a straight line. It happens in loops, spirals, setbacks, and leaps forward. There are days when you feel like you’re moving backwards, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress.

In eating disorder recovery, for example, there’s often this dangerous myth that one “good” day means you’re cured. But that’s not the case. Healing from an eating disorder (or anything, really) is messy, with ups and downs. It’s normal to have moments of doubt, setbacks, and bad days. You will have days when you feel like you’re taking two steps back for every one step forward. This doesn’t erase your progress. It’s part of the journey.

Setbacks Don’t Equal Failure

I used to be terrified of setbacks. I thought they were proof that I wasn’t good enough, or that my progress wasn’t real. But the reality is, setbacks are normal – they don’t erase the work you’ve done. They don’t erase your efforts, or the progress you’ve made. Every single time you show up for yourself, no matter how hard or messy that looks, is progress.

Whether you’re in recovery from an eating disorder, dealing with mental health struggles, or just trying to improve your overall well-being, setbacks are inevitable. You will experience them. And when you do, remember: you’re not failing. You’re growing, learning, and adapting. Every time you pick yourself back up, you’re proving to yourself that healing is possible.

Healing Is Not a Race

So many of us are so fixated on the end result (this “perfect” version of ourselves we’re trying to reach) that we forget the healing journey is about living and learning. The goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to find peace, balance, and joy in your life again. It’s not about racing toward the end; it’s about finding joy in the small moments, and giving yourself the grace to stumble and fall when necessary.

Recovery takes time. And sometimes, it feels like time is moving faster than you’re able to keep up with. But remember: healing is not a race. You don’t have to have everything figured out today, tomorrow, or even a year from now. What matters is showing up for yourself, even when you don’t feel like it.

Be Kind to Yourself

Above all, the most important thing I’ve learned in my own journey is to be kind to myself. In the middle of a setback, I can be so hard on myself, and I know that many of you reading this can relate. But being critical of yourself in those moments does not speed up recovery. It only slows you down.

Being kind to yourself means allowing space for imperfection. It means recognising that you’re worthy of healing, even on your bad days. It means understanding that your mistakes are part of your story, but they don’t define you.

Every day is a new opportunity to show up for yourself. Even if that means just getting out of bed, taking a walk, or eating a meal, every little victory counts. Don’t let the tough days convince you that you’re back at square one. You’re still moving forward, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

A Gentle Reminder: You Are Not Failing

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: you are not failing just because things aren’t always going smoothly. Healing isn’t linear. Progress isn’t always visible. You are allowed to stumble, to fall, and to get back up again. That’s what healing is.

It’s okay if you don’t have everything figured out right now. It’s okay if today isn’t the best day. It’s okay to be imperfect. The fact that you are here – reading this, showing up for yourself, doing the work – proves that you’re moving in the right direction. Even if you can’t see it yet.

Healing isn’t about a straight path. It’s about showing up, embracing the process, and believing in yourself, even on the hard days. So, the next time you hit a setback, remember: it’s just a part of the journey. You are still on the path, and you are still worthy of healing.

Keep going. You’ve got this.