For as long as I can remember in relationships, I prided myself on being “low maintenance.” You know the type: easy-going, adaptable, never making a fuss. I told myself I didn’t need much from others. I was always the one who went along with plans, never asked for too much, never made waves.

I wanted to be easy. I wanted to be the one people could rely on to go with the flow, the one who never complained, the one who just kept quiet and got things done. I thought this made me likeable. After all, the less you ask for, the less people can disappoint you, right? And who doesn’t want to be the person others find easy to be around?

But the truth is, being “low maintenance” was just a form of self-sacrifice. I learned to downplay my needs because I thought they were inconvenient or “too much.” I convinced myself that wanting things, whether it was time, attention, or respect, made me difficult, demanding, or even needy. I told myself that my happiness was secondary to keeping the peace, staying out of the way, and making others feel comfortable.

What I didn’t realise was that I was erasing parts of myself. I was quietly silencing my voice, dimming my needs, and putting everyone else’s comfort before my own well-being. Slowly, I built a life where I was “easy” on the surface, but exhausted and empty underneath. I wasn’t showing up as my true self; I was showing up as someone who was only okay with what was convenient for others.

And it wasn’t just affecting my relationships with other people, it was also impacting my relationship with myself. By constantly dismissing my own needs and desires, I was telling myself that I wasn’t worth the effort, the time, or the care. I was perpetuating a cycle of self-neglect. I was accepting less than I deserved.

The turning point came when I started realising how often I was pretending to be okay with things I wasn’t okay with. The quiet resentment I felt from not expressing myself built up over time. I’d say yes when I wanted to say no. I’d smile when I was uncomfortable. I’d put my needs last, as if they didn’t matter as much as everyone else’s.

It’s hard to unlearn this behaviour. For a while, it felt like I was betraying the “easy” version of me that people had come to expect. I felt guilty for saying no or speaking up for myself. I worried about disappointing others, about being seen as high-maintenance or difficult. But slowly, I realised that my needs aren’t a burden – they’re totally valid. I’m allowed to want things. I’m allowed to take up space. I’m allowed to ask for respect, for consideration, for my boundaries to be honoured.

Here’s the truth: being “low maintenance” isn’t a virtue. It’s an expectation. It’s the expectation that we should shrink ourselves for the comfort of others. It’s the idea that our worth is tied to how little we ask for, how little we need, how little we take up. But that’s not how self-respect works. Healthy relationships – with others and with ourselves – are built on honesty, on showing up authentically, on honouring both our needs and the needs of those around us.

Now, I’m learning to let go of the “low maintenance” label. I’m giving myself permission to ask for what I need, to speak up when something doesn’t feel right, and to set boundaries that protect my mental and emotional well-being. I’m realising that my voice matters, that my needs are worthy of attention, that I am not too much for wanting respect, kindness, and understanding.

Being “low maintenance” doesn’t mean you’re easy to be around. It means you’re suppressing who you truly are. It’s a mask you wear to fit into a mould that doesn’t really reflect your authentic self. The reality is, I’m high maintenance when it comes to my boundaries. I’m high maintenance when it comes to protecting my mental health. And that’s okay. Because at the end of the day, I’m the one who has to live with me.

So, if you’re out there reading this and you’re also caught in the trap of being “low maintenance” to make others happy, it’s time to stop. Your needs matter. You’re allowed to express them. You don’t have to be easy for others to like you. In fact, the people who truly value you will respect your boundaries and care about your happiness just as much as their own.

It’s okay to be high maintenance when it comes to your worth, your self-respect, and your boundaries. Don’t ever shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort. You deserve space to exist fully, and your needs deserve to be heard.