Dear Reader,

As we enter the Christmas week, I know you might be struggling with certain triggers around this time of year. From toxic, diet-culture-filled comments, to the weird societal obsession we have around food, it can be hard to find the light in your recovery journey. Please remember that it is only a short period of time, and that this feeling won’t last forever.

I want you to look back on the Christmases you had before your eating disorder took over. How joyous it was, how carefree it was, how beautiful it was. Seeing your family members that you don’t see all that often, the table setting, the lights, the music, the smiles, and… not the food.

Our society has this huge focus on food, and I mean the way that we talk and talk and talk about it. It’s just like the Brits and weather – it’s always part of a conversation. But Christmas, as I’m sure you can remember from those years ago, is not about food. It’s about the family and the magic, as I tried to help you.

The festive season often brings heightened focus on food, gatherings, and traditions that can feel daunting. It might seem like every conversation revolves around meals, diets, or appearance, making it hard to escape the triggers that you’ve worked so hard to manage. You might find yourself dreading the endless plates of food, or even the endless comments from well-meaning relatives who don’t fully understand your journey.

But here’s something important: You do not need to have it all figured out right now. Recovery is not a straight path, and it’s okay to have mixed feelings about this season. I’ve been in recovery for over two-and-a-half years now, and Christmas is still a difficult time for me. Last year, when I thought I was out of the woods, when everyone had left for the day, I didn’t focus on the great time I had, sharing jokes and laughs with the family. Instead, I focused on the food I had ate, the liquid calories I had ingested, and was hit by this overwhelming feel of guilt. The worst part was that I thought I had nailed it, but when that mask came off as the front door closed on the last relatives leaving, it hit me.

It is a horrible time for a lot of us, but we can make it better. Try (as best as you can) to communicate this with the people you’re spending Christmas with. Truth is, they probably won’t understand, but if they are your support system, they’ll do all the best they can to help you through it.

A friendly reminder that your worth is more than what’s on your plate, how you look, and how much exercise you do. Allow yourself to soak in the festive period, without making it all about food. You can say no, too, to those events and occassions that might be a little too difficult for you right now. You are still on the right track, even if you have a set back, and especially if that is on Christmas day. It will be hard for a good few years, but here’s to focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel, where we will be able to enjoy all of these moments, all year long, without that voice inside us telling us we’re not good enough.

It’s easy to feel isolated in these struggles, especially when it seems like everyone else is effortlessly enjoying the festivities. But I promise, there are others out there who understand what you’re feeling.

This Christmas, I hope you can find a moment of peace—a moment where you remind yourself of how far you’ve come, even if it’s hard to see it. Recovery takes courage, and simply facing the holidays with the intention to heal is a testament to your incredible strength.

So, take it one step at a time, one meal at a time, one breath at a time. You are doing your best, and that is enough. You are enough.

Wishing you warmth, comfort, and hope this Christmas,

Ellie – Pepetoe xox