Saturday 27 May

Yesterday it hit me: it’s been over a year since I began the ED recovery chapter of my life. After years of being influenced by diet culture and social media, I finally decided to break the mould and transform my life.

It hasn’t been easy. There’s been a lot of bad days and weeks, but they don’t compare to the number of good days I’ve had. Since I began to rewire my mind, I learnt that there’s so much more the life than the scales and treadmill. After all, no one will say at your funeral “we loved her because she was so skinny!” No one truly cares what clothes size you are or how much you weigh, or even what you look like.

What truly matters is who you are.

That’s why my journey of recovery didn’t begin with a meal plan and treatment. It began with working on myself and reconnecting with myself, finding out who I am again. My eating disorder took all of that away. I was so detached from myself and everything else around me. I wasn’t a person, just a body which I judged and scrutinised for not being small enough. As soon as I learnt the importance of grounding myself and working on the relationship I have with myself, the idea of recovery seemed a lot easier and not as scary.

I look back at all of the things I have done this year. None of that would have been possible without that switch in my mindset. Holidays, nights out, spending time with friends, even meeting my boyfriend. My past self wouldn’t have dared to do anything like that; I didn’t have the energy or mind space to do that. I was too consumed by that ED voice.

(If you want to see that in context, I’ve posted all this year’s memories on my instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CsuDz14Im2t/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== )