Friday 28 April

Following on from my last post, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week.

I explained my lost feelings towards what I want out of the next stage of my life. After careful consideration, I have decided to take a year out of my degree. No, not going abroad like I had intended as part of my course, but staying at home and taking care of myself.

I used to think that it was selfish to do what you want, and that people would think less of you for doing something different. Going to university, as I said on my last post, has been drilled into my mind from an early age as a ‘necessity’. I believed that nothing was possible without a sturdy degree. Now that I have decided that university may not be for me, it’s time I start fighting for what I want.

Dropping out completely is not what I have decided to do, at least not at the moment. I am simply taking a break and heading towards what I eventually want out of my life: a career in marketing and social media.

I talked about dreams a lot in my last post. This new ‘dream’ of mine can change, and trust me I know that. Nothing is permanent, nothing is certain. All I can do for now is focus on the present. And right now, I want to pursuit this passion of mine and see where this could go, as you have seen over the last few years on this platform.

It is not selfish to do things for you. I used to do things to please others: my parents, my friends, even society. I would do things that I think I’m meant to do, like go to university. Little did I know, my friends and family only what me to do what’s best for me. That’s the only reassurance I need.

Thinking about it now, I didn’t really want to go to university in the first place. Sure, I did when I was younger, but from age 16 onwards, university was nowhere near the forefront of my mind. I was too focused on when my next meal would be, and if I’d even make it to the start of university. I did. I’m still here, thankfully. But since that young age of 16, I never considered my options. I just went, and did the things that I thought was expected of me. I didn’t have the knowledge that I could do other things, even take a year out to focus on myself, which is what I should’ve done after leaving high school.

All in all, university wasn’t really on the cards for me. Sure, there’s a huge possibility that I’ll go back next year to finish my degree. After all, I’ve done 2 out of 3 mandatory years, so why quit now?

My main message here is do things that you actually want to do. Don’t just fit the quota and do what you think is expected of you, no matter your situation.

It’s taken so much bravery (as my good friend reminded me) to open up about this, as it’s something that I don’t see talked about enough. We are allowed to change our minds, mess up, fail and try again and again. We are so young. We don’t have to do everything right at this moment in time. This is the time to change our minds, make mistakes. We’re not perfect! It’s our time to figure out what we truly want out of our lives. And, if you are not totally sure what that is yet, that’s fine too! Again, we are young and have years and years and years ahead of us to make those decisions. Focus on what you want right now. Is what you’re doing right now serving you? Are you on the right path? Ask yourself that. If the answer’s yes, I am proud of you and excited for you. If the answer is no, I’m still proud of you. Admitting that to yourself is the first step to moving on to bigger and better things. And I am also excited for you to see what your next chapter of life will look like. It’s scary (so so damn scary) knowing that you no longer want to do what you think you wanted to do. Especially with no plan ahead of you. We have the next five years or more to figure it out. Don’t rush it. Don’t make any hard decisions yet. Like me. I’ve decided to not fully drop out, but take a break. You can do that at any stage of life. Take a moment for yourself and evaluate your life. Do things for you and only you.

Signing off,

Pepetoe ❤